THE TALE OF BRYANT ADAMS

Never steal from an evil wizarding mastermind. But if fate forces you into staging an international heist, Rule 1: Get your story straight before trying to smuggle magical items through customs. Rule 2: If you're going to use a forged passport, make sure you trust the sketchy dude who made your papers. Rule 3: Be familiar with the local laws BEFORE spells start flying. Rule 4: Never trust cats. Soft and fluffy on the outside, evil killing machines on the inside. Rule 5: Don't think being an ocean away from home will keep your troubles from catching up to you. Some shadows, you cant outrun.

Step One: Find the books stolen from the magical library. Step Two: Steal back the books and bring them to New York. Step Three: Declare wizarding domination. I feel like this is a pretty solid plan. I'm probably wrong.

Being a wizard is hazardous to your health. Things not to do when being tracked by murderers: #1 Do not drag the girl you're in love with into your deadly mess. #2 Do not accept a bag full of money. #3 If you do accept said bag of money, don't be dumb enough to shove it down the back of your pants. #4 Do not get into a battle with the evil lunch lady. #5 Do not start a war in a tourist hotspot. #6 Do not let your dad find out you're a wizard. #7 Do NOT under any circumstances, no matter how desperate things might seem, let Eric Deldridge convince you to break into the Library and seize control of the magical world.

Not all wizards were born to be heroes. Things not to do when you find out you're a wizard: 1. Do not destroy your apartment with magical fire. You WILL NOT get the security deposit back. 2. Do not form an alliance with the guy who is trying to murder you. This will end badly. 3. Do not drag the girl you're desperately in love with into your wizard mess. You risk her watching you fail miserably. 4. Under no circumstances should you get in the middle of an epic magical battle. Death will happen. Lots of death and bad things.